I don't quite know how to say, how I feel. those three words are said too much, they are not enough.

new experiences.

here we are, in the more grown-up part of life. actually you start again from zero on. there is no way you can show off with abitur or anything similar. everyone who got in is equal. so that's it. being a freshman. everything's new and you have to learn so many new things. in fact, on the one hand you feel like being very old and abitur's so long gone but on the other hand, there's this whole new world and the conditions are waay different than before. you got to experience everything from the perspective of a child which enters high-school. weird, isn't it? yeah hell it is. but that's exactly the point. I mean, some of us are only nineteen, we're still TEENagers man. how can anyone respect us as a really grown-up person? living on our own? ha ha ha, we do but does it really feel that way?  sometimes I'm standing in here, MY room. 25 m² and I think like wow and that's my home? in a way it feels so unrealistic. and the next day, again I feel so grown up, going to university, going out every night, doing cook-duels with friends. I really love it that way. although, however you have to study. a lot actually. but I mean, that's it. and if that's what I have to do to have this life, which is perfectly fine for me, well that's what I do.
I really do like it that way. it feels just right. like everything's finally in place. and there's much time left to get to know everything else of this whole new 'grown-up' part of life.

A year ago, I would've never guessed my life would be the way it is now.

                                          schockiert. verletzt. traurig. entsetzt. enttäuscht.
                                          ausgenutzt. wütend. leer. verwahrlost. betrübt. 
                                          nüchtern. streitlustig. fremd. zerbrechlich. mies.
                                          lieblos. erschöpft. liebenswert.

you know that feeling when you really really would like to help someone, but first, you're not able to and second, there's nothing you could do to make it okay for even a second. I'm sitting on the floor since three hours and wondering what I could say. But everytime I come to the conclusion to do nothing and just wait. I feel like beeing in a bubble or something. not really realizing what's going on right now.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned in life: It goes on.
But that's not what anyone would like to hear. Even though it's true.

You may have chemistry with her but you have history with me.

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. it's about that very moment when you're doing something and wishing they were right there with you.